AUDRA AND I ARE SEE PIRATES OF THE CARIBBEAN: DEAD MAN'S CHEST IN 65 MINUTES!!!!!!!!!!!!!

So if you guys read my previous post, you'll know that there's this craze in Europe about this German band that I really dislike and I think they look like girls. And if you didn't read my post, you do know now... Here's my proof that Bill and Tom are not brothers, but that they are in fact sisters...

So basically I spent a few days at the weekend house, where my laptop cd slot decided to die on me, so I'm pretty much upset. I spent tonight with my cousin and my mom's friend's daughter going through Czech blogs about Tokio hotel. It's a German band that is a bunch of boys who seriously look like girls. So we posted all kinds of stuff, like that the lead singer looks like a vomit covered hamster that threw up on itself, or that (de)Bill forgot to put on his make-up in one picture. And in Czech the word "debil" means idiot. Then we found a Czech blog with stuff in English for foreigners, and that it's a big honor for them to have Brits and Americans comment, so I wrote them a nice letter dissing Tokio Hotel. I wrote how they suck, and how girl bands never work out so it won't be a surprise once these ninnies fall apart and that they can boil their heads and so on... Tomorrow my Slovakian aunt is coming, and then we're heading off with her to the weekend house once we go on a day trip to Germany.

So basically I've been with my cousin Klarka(aka partner-in-crime) for less than 48 hours, and we've already managed to experience something new, not to mention a lot of fun things that might not necessarily new. The new stuff? Well, we were walking past a bus station and this trashy girl sitting with her friends says to us in a tone like she's known us for years says, "Hey girls, do you have some cigarettes?" I opened my mouth and very rashly started to say, "no, and even if I did I wouldn't give them to you" while preparing to run for my life, cause this girl and her friends she was sitting with were gypsies, and in the Czech Republic there's a large problem with the gypsies commiting crime and making the government pay for them. Luckily, my cousin smugly said, "no, we don't smoke" and didn't let me finish, because I might not have gotten home fast enough, and you never know, some of the gypsy guys might even seriously hurt you... Then we took a trip to Karlovy Vary(Carlsbad) and there we were asked by two complete stranger boys to go to the International Film Festival. We pretended not to hear them. Then, 15 minutes later as Klarka and I were stalking our grandparents, some Italian tourists started flirting with us from across the street and asking what our names were in English. I ignored them while hoping that my grandparents don't turn around and see us, while my cousin tried to be smart and said, "I got no name" Luckily, my grandparents didn't notice anything, so we successfully stalked them for about 500 meters and then said, "Well you guys sure pay attention to us." We also went to a shopping center because my mom wanted to and there had a lot of fun when my grandpa told us to go look at the sensational titanium pan. So we were qouting a movie the rest of the day, but instead of saying "unbreakable glasses" we put in "titanium pan". Claire should know what I'm talking about. It's the same movie that the main guy lights a shot of vodka on fire and then spouts fire. In that movie two grown-ups dance really funny to a song, so Klarka and I changed the song to something about a titanium pan and were dancing like in the movie and singing in the bathrooms. Yeah, that's pretty much it right now. Tomorrow we're going to the weekend house for a couple days.

ok. These past 6 days I was in Malta. It pretty much sucked cause my dad was being mean. He kept getting mad for the stupidest reasons, like my walking speed (One day I was too fast, and the next I was too slow). The closest thing to a compliment that I got was that he thought I'd be a good beach bum, that apparently I fit in at the beach... I still haven't figured out how you fit in at the beach. But anyways, I rented a sailboat there, and of course my dad wanted to go with me. First of all, he started complaining that he was uncomfortable, I'm not surprised since he was lying like a dead dog and the bow so that he wouldn't be hit by the boom. I think he was afraid of the boom. I've been hit by it plenty of times, but it's not like it'll knock you out or anything, the worst case scenario is that you have to go for a swim to get you hat back. But so then he started telling me where to go and what to do, even though he doesn't know the first thing about sailing. I kept telling him I couldn't go directly one way because that was the direction of the wind, so finally he started shouting at me that I'm a spoiled brat and he's sick of my attitude and he wants to spank me. I nearly told him that I was sick of him. But anyways, I sailed back to shore and I told my dad that he'll have to jump out when the water's waist deep so that I can take out the dagger board. However, he decided to jump right away even though I told him to wait. I had enough time to close my eyes, take a breath, and think 'oh crap'. Then the entire sailboat capsized because my dad's weight jumping off all of a sudden flipped it over. So he's shouting at me, and I'm trying to right the boat(I finally did, without my dad's help I might add) And I told him to pull on a rope as I climbed back on, he didn't hold it and the wind caught the sail and capsized the boat with me on it again. My dad was so mad when we got out. Even though it was his fault. Anyways, I FINALLY MADE IT TO MY FUN GRANDPARENTS!!!! Most of you guys know them. So I'm happy. Plus, my cousin's here, she still has school though. And my mom's friend has a daughter who's a year older than me, and I sent her some CD's cause apparently we have the same musical taste, so now she wants to hang out with me. We already know each other, but not that well. But it'll be cool to finally hear some new music. I've been typing on a Czech keyboard, and it's been screwing me up when I type in English. So I finally figured out how to convert it back to English, (Nothing is more annoying than Windows in a different language than what a person's used to) so pretty much my uncle might be a little ticked off at me. But whatever, we gave our old laptop to my grandpa, and my uncle set it up for him, so it's not like my uncle owns it. Plus, he'll probably just be jealous that I can work with a PC better than he can. My grandpa was having a problem with a CD, so I put in into iTunes, and put it onto a new disk and it worked. So now everyone's blown away by my "computer skills". Also thanks to Spano, they're amazed at how fast I type. But so anyways, life is definately looking up, I STILL AM TICKED THAT I'M MISSING POTC2 THOUGH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Sorry for those of you who don't like my long entries. At least for me it's kinda like talking to you guys. Plus, this way I hopefully wont forget my English, it usually takes me a while to stop talking in Czech when I get back. It's really annoying when you go into a store in Denver and ask the person where a certain CD is in another language...

Well, what's new? This is my 4th airport this week. Soon I'll have a 5th. I'm waiting for my plane to Malta. Not much happened while I was in the Czech Republic, cept that I went to Karlovy Vary(Carlsbad) for a day. It's about 15 minutes from my grandma's place. If any of you have seen Last Holiday, that's where the Latifah lady stays. I saw the film on the airplane flying from Denver to washington 2 weeks ago. Let me tell you, when they show a picture of the city with the background that is clearly painted, those mountains do not exist! There are only hills around Karlovy Vary, and the mountains that do exist are hills compared to the Rocky Mountains. I'm sure you guys can tell that that part of the movie really annoyed me. Anyways, that same day we went to my aunt's pharmacy to pick up sunscreen and stuff for the trip to Malta. My aunt wasn't there, but she knew we were coming so she told the ladies that work there to look for us and try to give us the stuff for free. My cousin really likes to speak to these ladies, she's practically friends with them, and I realized just how much my cousin talks about me. This one lady knew almost more about me than my dad does! She knew what shampoo I liked the smell of when I was 11! Of course, it's not new that my cousin talks about me. When my mom made me go to school with her, before I could introduce myself to the kids with, "Hi, I'm Michalka" my cousin has to go and say, "This is Meeehele Serrrnaa, my cousin from AMERICA!" So not only does she butcher my English name, but then her friends think I don't speak czech and sometimes they find out in awkward ways, like if they say something about me. Yes, very awkward indeed. People are staring at me how I'm sitting on the floor at the airport by a power outlet. The Czechs are playing a soccer match tonight so I'm wearing my jersey, and I'm giving mean glares to people in Portuguese jackets. I swear they started it. This just proves that I can talk about absolutely nothing for some period of time. My dad likes getting to the airport early, so I only have a couple more hours to go. For some reason when I hit the delete button, I went back a page, I thought I had lost this whole stinkin' entry!

Today, I went on a tour of the Kremlin and what's inside of it. (The Kremlin is the red wall by Red Square) It's extremely hard to get into, but thanks to my mom's, shall we say, acquaintances, we not only got tickets, but also a tour guide. There's a museum and several churches(including the coronation one). The museums had artifacts such as armor, carriages, treasure(lots of diamonds), and clothes(the corsets were super tiny). Of course, the swords and pistols fascinated me the most (I wonder why). It was all very interesting, especially all the diamonds and weapons. You guys would also be surprised if you saw the size of the carriages. Catherine the Great's crown had 5,000 diamonds in it! I also got to see some of the famous Faberge eggs. And when people during social studies talk about Peter the Great, they don't mean that he was a great leader, they mean that he was flippin' huge(even though he had a super small head). The tour guide said that he knew many crafts, and there was a pair of boots on display that he made for himself. The boots were made to end at his knees; they almost came up to my waist! I also managed to catch the changing of the guards by the eternal flame on tape. They swing their legs really far when they march. Lenin's mausoleum was closed, but we'll try to get in for the second time tomorrow. Behind the mausoleum are the graves of the other communist leaders, and what's funny is that they're all close to one another. That is, all of them except for Stalin. The Russians still like Lenin, but hate Stalin, so when he was buried they poured cement all around him so that no one could get to him, and that way he's separated from the other guys. The tour took so long that we had lunch/dinner at 4 in the afternoon. Otherwise, it was raining a lot today, and I haven't seen that much rain in a long time! The gutters here hang a few inches above the street, and it is quite possible to flood the sidewalk. My dad said that in Minsk, gutters end at your waist so that you get splashed nicely. By gutters I mean pipes coming down the side of the building. Anyways, I'm leaving Russia in two days, and then it's back to my grandma's boring apartment...

Tonight was eventful. Like I said before, I had to have dinner with my mom's customers, they turned out to be really nice. We arrived 25 minutes late because of bad traffic, and the driver went to wrong way for 10 minutes. At first, there was a meat plate appetizer, and my mom's secretary and I weren't too thrilled. I have lived by a policy of no sea food whatsoever, and it has suited me just fine. Today the Russian man(Sergei) offered me "vYery gYud fEEsh." I turned down the offer, but I couldn't do it the second time. I hate anything that comes out of the sea as food. Swallowing small bits of it made me sick, so I resorted to a combination of bread and fish. My mom's secretary(Tammy) and I were telling each other what is edible and talking together while everyone else was conversing in Russian, so that was fun. The main meal was good, but there were many toasts(I drank mineral water, while the Tammy was turning red and choking down Vodka). So we're almost done with the meal, and the last toast comes around. And lucky me, I've been chosen for the speech. I've never had vodka, and I most certainly never made a toasting speech. Thankfully, I've seen many toasts, even if I didn't understand them(I've been around a lot of drinking and alcohol) and drama helps with improv immensely. So, I was shocked by being put on the spot, but I rattled of something about how I thank the hosts for inviting us, and how I hope that in the future we will be able to sit around a table and eat well together again. I thought it was crappy, but everyone else seemed to be really impressed. My dad, the biggest critic in the world, said it was perfect! But Sergei and his wife were very nice, and it was my decision whether we should have desert and tea(of course I said yes). After that I had to turn down an offer for "special Moscow ice cream" which was a really difficult task because these people don't take no for an answer. But then they showed us a really beautiful metro station and we rode to the hotel. I had been skeptical before the dinner, but apart from the fish and the nasty meat appetizers, it was a good evening! It's almost midnight so I better go. This trip is extremely educational. I've learned about bribing policeman, how to toast, how to survive these vile toilets(it's quite a shocking experience), what a rotting corpse smells like, and how to tell when a person's getting drunk. Quite the trip if you ask me...

Well right now I'm dressed as a pansy, and I'm going to have to go to a fancy dinner. Today I went to a museum with a lot of neat Trojan and Greek artifacts. It was funny, I was looking at a mummy and there was this nasty smell, and I thought it was a Russian who hadn't showered(not uncommon here), then I noticed that there was a large gap in the glass and what I was actually smelling was a 2100 year old mummy! A lot of the artifacts weren't protected too well, you could easily touch them and knock them over. It'd be a shame if those things were destroyed. We also stood in a line for an hour to see Lenin, but this group of bloody American Jerks cut in front of us and wouldn't move. They were the last people who were let in, and my dad and I were the first who were denied entrance. We would have been the last people who were let in if those butholes hadn't moved in front of us! I seriously thought I was gonna lose it then, everyone gets mad, but I felt sick because I couldn't run after them and jump on the 18 year old's back and punch and kick her. I don't think I've ever been this mad, at least I've never had such an urge to attack someone... So I'm going to have to stand in another hour long line tomorrow because of that. Oh well, got to go have dinner now. The Russians reserved a Czech restaurant, just for us, that they say is really good. That worries me, they liked the borst they made at my house too. I nearly gagged. So, I try to stay away from what they say is good, my dad also says that restaurant is bad. Unfortunately, I'll offend them if I don't eat. I'll say I have a small appetite...